Angel Rocks

The sketch opens with Angel Faithful bent almost double and struggling vainly to lift a large and heavy boulder, accompanied by appropriate grunts and panting. Angel Constance then wanders in. Constance has evidently only just arrived in the physical world, and is looking all around in evident amazement at the surroundings; touching, tasting (making faces at some of the things tasted), etc. He is so preoccupied with these things that he does not notice the first angel and blunders right into him; so that they end up in a heap on the ground.

Constance:

I’m so sorry, Angel Faithful! I just didn’t see you.
(Rising to his feet and offering a hand) Here… let me help you up. (Faithful takes his hand, gets up carefully and starts to dust himself down.) This is such a strange place! (rubbing his knee) .. and this .. ground .. is so hard!

Faithful:

Not to worry, Angel Constance. I don’t think there’s any harm done.

Constance:

(Suddenly horrified) But your hands … they’re … bleeding!

Faithful:

Its just a few spots. Apparently that is not unusual in this place. It happened while I was trying to ..lift.. this rock off the path. You have to be very careful of these pointed edges.

Constance:

But if you wanted the rock to move, why didn’t you just tell it? (Goes over to the rock) I say, old chap, my friend Angel Faithful here would appreciate it if you would be kind enough to move off the path. If you could put yourself down over there, that would do fine. (Waits a few moments, then gets impatient) Now look here … just because he tried to lift you, there’s no need to sulk and take all day about it. (Waits a bit longer, then turns to Faithful.) Is it dead, or something?

Faithful:

I’m not sure: but they certainly don’t take any notice of what you say. If you remember the briefing, we were told this was to be a ‘work experience‘ to familiarise ourselves with the laws of the physical world. Our overseer, Angel Diligence said that the only thing these rocks understood was gravity – whatever that is – and the only way to move them was by lifting.

Constance:

Well, I suppose we’d better get on with it then. Here, let me try. You tell me what to do.

Faithful:

Well, first you stand by the boulder with your legs slightly apart. (Faithful demonstrates the positions and Constance makes an exaggerated show of copying) Now you squat down, like so … and reach underneath the rock with both hands from either side. Good. Now, keeping your back straight and making sure your hands don’t slip, you stand up. (Faithful stands, letting his hands fall to his side, to show he was only pretending)

Constance:

(Grunts, heaves and strains for a few moments). I can’t stand! The rock doesn’t move!

Faithful:

(Sounding disappointed) That’s what happened to me too.
* It seems that this ‘lifting‘ business just doesn’t work!

Constance:

But surely we would never be told to do the wrong thing?

Faithful:

That’s what I don’t understand. (As Faithful goes on talking, Constance bends down and picks up a fist-sized pebble with one hand. Then he looks thoughtfully at it, raises and lowers his arm a few times and starts to toss it). But I’m sure I have done exactly what Angel Diligence told me to do. I’ve even tried a few variations of my own – and once I even thought I saw it wobble a little bit: but it just won’t let go of the ground! I just don’t know what to do.

Constance:

Hold on a minute…. Look! This is just a tiny rock; but I can lift it up without any trouble. I wonder … (Looks around) – Yes! That rock over there. Let’s see if I can lift that! (Walks over to new rock, makes a big show of adopting the correct posture, and lifts it with much heaving and grunting). I did it! (Drops rock, staggering slightly). Lifting does work! That other rock was just too big; that’s all!

Faithful:

Angel Diligence said we would have to work together on this.
* So, perhaps it would work if we both lifted this rock at the same time? You know, just like we sometimes need to call in reinforcements when we’re up against some of the bigger demons!

Constance:

Let’s give it a try. (They take up position on either side of the original rock)

Faithful:

Right then, one, two, three .. Lift! (They raise the rock, stagger a few paces to one side and then drop it again.)

Constance:

Well, we’ve cracked that one. What do we have to do next?

Faithful:

See that quarry over there. We’ve got to move all those rocks over to where they are starting that building.

Constance:

(After a long pause).
* We’ll need a whole squad to shift some of those rocks.
I hope the others get here soon.
(Pause) Oh well, we’d better get started. We could be here for weeks. (Both exit in direction of quarry).